He's not reading Dean's mind, but what he says puts the pieces together well enough. "I meant you're not going to let me try everything I can to fix this. I can't give you the security that I won't leave if I can't give you some kind of guarantee. I thought this could be it. It was all I could think of."

He hasn't even been down there an hour but already his wrist is sore and a little stiff from the tight cold metal. "Dean."

"Dean you don't have to ... " he huffs unhappily and looks away. "Don't bother Sam. I didn't do this to get your attention or impose my company on you. You don't have to put your brother between us. I know you're uncomfortable around me. You've made that abundantly clear."

It hurt, but seeing Dean use his brother as a buffer hurt more and he'd rather Dean push him away once outright than patronise him and made Sam play babysitter to them both.

"Then what are you doing? You don't have to babysit me." He stands up when Dean starts pulling but he stays standing in the same spot, digging his heels in, going nowhere. "I won't put you out of your bed just because you didn't like my solution. This is completely unnecessary."

He gives up. Dean wants him out of the dungeon, fine. He'll go. There's absolutely no sense in arguing it because Dean is just going to keep badgering him to go. And when the angels find a way to take him or they get separated again it will be all on Castiel once more and he can't stand the thought of it but figures he might as well get used to it. It is inevitable.

His face hardens a bit in anger and he stares intensely at the other man, before finally moving forward, storming past him and heading for the door. He doesn't know where he's going yet, just not here.

Castiel isn't really thinking about what he's doing at this point, he's just angry, and hurt, and a thousand other things that he really doesn't know what to do with. And they need an outlet but there isn't one. Dean wants him to stay so he tries, but then he wants him to leave the dungeon so he does, and now he's following him with some other set of needs and or desires and Castiel just needs to get away as far and fast as he can. There's nothing for that either because he's injured and Dean isn't and he's gaining on him.

"You are the most infuriating person I've ever met!" He says it in a loud frustrated roar, spinning around and deciding without really thinking about it that since he can't have space he'll take the opposite. He strides forward meeting Dean halfway and grabs hold of his shirt, backing him up into a wall not far from the door. He does it with all the force he had used in the alleyway so long ago, but instead of throwing a punch instead he meets Dean's face with his own. He kisses him long and hard and possessive and demanding. It's not remotely nice or sweet, all anger, and sadness, and fear and desperate need.

He finds himself needing air just as badly as Dean does and isn't that a bitch? He pulls back, but not far enough to let go, just enough so that he and Dean both can get some air into their lungs. His heart is pounding and the world is spinning a bit. He hadn't meant to do that, really he hadn't. It had been a knee-jerk response (since when did he have those either?) to release the storm of emotion he'd been feeling.

Of course that didn't mean that he didn't mean it.

"I'm fairly sure the appropriate term is still 'kissing'."

Why? It should be so obvious. Castiel removes his hands from where they've balled in Dean's shirt and bring them up to hold his face. It's not gentle like caress ,it's firm and insistent, making Dean look at him, making him meet his eyes.

"Because I keep trying to make you proud, because I keep trying to stay with you and I always fail at both. Because I can't do another year of being at odds with you like this. It's too much for me to take and I can't stand having you look at me the way you do when you're disappointed or hurt. Because I need you to know that I need you too and that you are precious to me, as a friend, as a brother in arms, as the person that I--"

He stops there and just stares at Dean a moment, uncertain if he should continue. Yes, Dean kissed him back but that doesn't mean that Dean isn't apt to reject this gesture.

Dean tells him to stop and he deflates, but almost instantly he feels a little spark of something that feels like hope flare up in his chest when Dean pulls him in. Castiel remembers the last time this happened, how he just stood there and didn't know what to do. This time he raises his arms and wraps them around Dean's shoulders from underneath and turns his face, pressing it against the other man's neck and jaw.

"I'm sorry, Dean. I'm so sorry." He squeezes him a little tighter then, wanting him to really understand how deeply he means that and thinks that ... just maybe they can fix this after all.

Cas closes his eyes shut tight and gives himself a moment to memorize this, the feeling of being in Dean's arms and held tight, just in case he never does get it again. He hopes he will. He pulls back and because he isn't ready to let go entirely just yet, he reaches up and rubs his thumb against Dean's cheek briefly (it's a sad parallel of the touch that Dean left Castiel with in purgatory) before letting go and stepping back.

"Alright. We'll figure it out later."

It's alright, now, now that Castiel doesn't feel like his whole world is crashing down around him, now that Dean knows, now that he has hope.

"I wouldn't mind a shower, and a change of clothes if you have them." Because now that he's becomming human he's noticing just how uncomfortable the clothes he has on are when he has a stomach wound. "And you still have to tell me what happened with Abaddon."

Castiel winces when Dean admits he made a mistake nods his head. "I imagined something went wrong when you weren't here when I returned from shopping."

He did more than shop of course and he still needs to tell Dean about everything he missed, but now isn't the right moment. Later, when he's showered and they're sitting more comfortably. "There are things I need to tell you too. Things that happened when you were gone."

There is a new issue of Busty Asian Beauties and a package of toilet paper sitting on the bed and Castiel takes a seat beside it, not remarking on it. He sits on the edge of the bed and tries to think of how to tell this in a way that is .. objective, so that he doesn't make things worse. "Metatron paid me a visit."

He accepts the sweatpants and shirt and folds them neatly in his lap. "There are trials we can use in order to close heaven. I've already completed the first, but ... I don't know if I want to continue."